My school years were challenging. I was very anxious. I always wanted to do well, but I had to study twice as long and work twice as hard to achieve good grades. The supports were not there. In those days, there was more of a cookie cutter type approach to learning. If I didn’t grasp the material, that was put on me, not my teachers. There wasn’t an awareness of different learning styles or an attempt to meet each student where they were at. Still, I worked hard, chugged along and managed to get fairly good grades. There were times I failed a test for sure, but overall, my anxiety and my hyper drive to people please, pushed me to keep working hard. I dreamed that one day learning would just come easily to me. I loved learning, but it felt like a job with daily overtime. I wanted to love learning for the pure joy of it.
When I graduated high school, I really wanted to go into education, but I wasn’t sure I could hack it. Pacing was still an issue for me. I was also shy and lacked confidence. My first year of university was an epic failure. I had to drop two classes and didn’t pass a third. I did really well in my two strongest subjects, English and Psychology, which I went on to have a double major in. So I guess, not a total failure, but at the time, only getting two credits out of five that year felt like I would never make it in this program. I remember crying at home in the bathtub thinking I would never see my dream become a reality. As my second, third and fourth university years went by, I grew in comfortability, confidence and a strong community of students and teachers who truly wanted to see every student succeed. Learning was much more personalized. I was invited to talk to my professors outside of class. I had a study group. I had great resources. I was allowed to join an honors English class I really wanted to try. There were ten of us and the professor, sitting around a long conference table, bouncing ideas back and forth, discussing poetry and prose. I was in heaven! My Women’s Studies professor loved my paper so much, she asked me if she could use it as a sample for struggling students. I was ecstatic! In classes I struggled with I was allowed do-overs on projects and papers. Wait. What?! Yes! I was allowed to fail and try again and do better and get a better grade, and that better grade was the one on the record! I was so excited about learning, and this place and these people, supported my every step. I was finally in a groove, I was safe here, I was happy and I loved going to my classes!
